Beaten Biscuits, More or Less

It's summertime.  It's hot outside.  Too hot.  I really, really, really want to make bread but with the AC running, the yeast just will not agree to rise, and I don't care to heat the house up by turning the AC off and the oven on.  So, today, I thought that maybe good old cat-head biscuits would be a nice bread substitute.  When I got out my cookbook with the just-right biscuit recipe in it, I saw something else while I was flipping the pages:  Beaten Biscuits.

I've always wanted to make Beaten Biscuits but the time investment and the labor effort is just too huge.  It's not that I'm lazy.....it's just that "what if I make them and they fail" feeling.  The very idea has me sinking before I start.   But the recipe I noticed hidden at the bottom of the page was for a sort of counterfeit Beaten Biscuit.  (Obviously, I have no problem with counterfeit recipes.  Can you say Pretend Ratatouille?)  Two minutes in the food processor?  Hey, I could do that!  And the kitchen was already untidy--for me that's always the perfect excuse to make an even bigger mess.  What could go wrong?

My hand-me-down food processor is prehistoric.  I think my mother bought it in 1979.  But, hey, it's still good, even if it is nearly old enough to have grandkids, grandprocessors, whatever.   It's just small and not very powerful.  I couldn't fit the whole recipe in there, so I halved it.  Frankly that was still a tad too much but I pushed forward.  The recipe called for two minutes of processing but after a minute my dinosaur started smelling like electric burn so it seemed like the sensible time to cry halt.

Shortening?  Don't have it.  But there was some margarine in the freezer.  That would work.  

Ice and ice water do NOT exist in my house.  I abhor cold.  Room-temperature water was the way to go.

Rolling pin?  Why get one more thing dirty--there's enough stuff in the sink already.  I patted out the pretty dough.  It was just fine--probably not 1/4 inch but who cares?

1 1/2 inch cookie cutter?  Who has one of those?  Too tiny!  A 2 inch-would have to do.  

The recipe said not to re-roll the dough after the first cutting.  Were those people crazy?  I'm not wasting dough.  I re-rolled, and didn't feel a twinge of guilt about it, even for the one biscuit that got rolled twice.  It had as much a right to be cooked and eaten as any of the others.

(Can you tell that I have a problem with playing by the rules sometimes?  I cannot imagine how you came up with that notion.)

Once I put the pan of cute little biscuits in the oven, it hit me that the recipe for the Real Original Beaten Biscuits said to brush melted butter across the top before baking.  Counterfeit Beaten Biscuit recipe missed that fine point.  I immediately removed them from the oven, apologized to the biscuits for the intrusion, and remedied the lack.

While I was waiting for the oven buzzer to announce the results, I attacked the mile-high mess in the kitchen sink and got most of it in the dishwasher--so there's a couple things waiting for the next load, big deal.  The important thing is biscuits!  And guess what?  They're really very good! 

So what was it that went wrong?  I am happy to report:  nothing at all.  (Well, almost but never mind.)  And I won't even mind waiting til the weather cools so I can make some proper bread.  Life is good.

Processor Beaten Biscuits

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon water

Position knife blade in processor bowl.  Add flour, shortening, baking powder, and salt; cover.  Process 5 seconds or until mixture resembles coarse meal.

With the processor running, add ice water in a steady stream through the food chute until dough forms a ball.  Process dough an additional 2 minutes.

Roll dough out onto a lightly floured surface to 1/4 inch thickness.  Cut with 1 1/2 inch biscuit cutter.  (Cut efficiently, for leftover dough should not be re-rolled.)  Prick the tops of biscuits with the tines of a fork.

Place on ungreased baking sheets.  Bake at 400 for 20 minutes or until biscuits are lightly browned.  Yield:  about 4 1/2 dozen.

from The Southern Heritage Breads Cookbook, Oxmoor House, Birmingham, AL, 1983.

On the off chance that anyone else elects to attempt this easy recipe, please note that I have copied the recipe as written in the original book.  When I made my biscuits, I cut every amount in half (well, except, stupidly, the baking powder but it wasn't that bad a mistake at the end of the day and it only tastes a little sharp).  The halved recipe produced 2 dozen little biscuits.