Sunday, December 27, 2015

Remembering Myself

It's dangerous for me to forget who I am and what my challenges are. I can't do things that other people take for granted.  I failed to pay attention today.  I'm paying for it now.  It's not fun at all.

What went wrong?

I got distracted by a big complicated packing issue for an item I sold on eBay and the box took fully two hours to pack, so I forgot to eat lunch.  By the time I was done, I was too tired to be bothered. Hours passed.  Finally it was 7 PM and I had to eat something, so I just grabbed a boxed pasta mix that someone with good intentions had given me.  

Half an hour later I was in misery.  Couldn't concentrate.  Couldn't sit still.  Worst of all, there were hot blisters rising on my foot that were breaking open, oozing lava.  I was literally ready to jump out of my skin.  Even though it's happened a bunch of other times, I still had to struggle to figure it out:  my body cannot handle the preservatives and other junk that is in boxed food mixes.

It's hard to live with a body that attacks itself, and sometimes I just wonder why.  I don't want to be like this.  Why can't I be like other people?  Why does it have to be me?

But, you know, the real question is this:  Why not me?

I have no more right than anyone else to live a normal life.  I am simply the way God created me.  It's up to me to do my best with what I have.  And I have to thank him for this life, especially when things aren't going the way I want them to.  It's a challenge to do that.  When we meet the challenges of life, we grow spiritual muscle.  We have to do battle to become strong.  That's something to be grateful for.

So, I'm taking deep breaths, drinking a warm mug of Blue John, listening to my Arashi.  My foot won't be too happy for a couple of days.  But I'm okay.  And I'm gonna go throw out the leftovers before I forget.

Tomorrow is another day.  It's all good.  And I truly am grateful.

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