Hermitage

My mother used to say that sometimes we are set aside in life so that we may have the opportunity for reflection.  But it still confounded her that it seemed that I had been set aside by life at all times.  Honestly, it sometimes confounds me, too; and especially so lately when I have been confronted greatly by the need to endure.

The end of 2017 was uncommonly difficult.  My dear old cat Daisy went home to heaven on December 19.  My car broke down on December 23.  And my refrigerator quit working on December 28.

In the meanwhile I have been clustered round with stray and throwaway kitties that I cannot afford to feed but really must.  I'd only meant to fed Cleo and Byron.  But now there's Moonpie and another I've only seen from the back.

Life is full of trials and testing.  Perhaps it all wouldn't matter so much if there was money but of money I have none.  The car remains where I parked it two weeks ago.  There is simply nothing I can do about it.  The refrigerator stands unplugged and unrepairable.  I want to replace it with a dorm fridge but can't, although I found one on Craigslist for only a dollar.....after all, I can't buy what I can't travel to collect.  Oh my.  Oh well.  The only direction is forward.

And the weather has been cold.  So cold!  For a person with circulatory problems, the pain for hands and feet is horrid.  In a house set on a concrete slab with no insulation in the walls and the heat set on 60, you can just imagine how deeply chilling it can be.....but really I hope you can't.  It's not pleasant.

The interesting matter in all of these trials is that of solitude.

On December 29, I had to ask my good neighbor to carry me to the dollar store to buy cat kibble and toilet paper.  It was nice to visit with him and with the cashier who is friendly to me.  I have not seen any other person since.  Not one.  There's a friend who contacts me daily by text or by cell (we each check to see that the other is alive and kicking) but that's my only contact with the world (not accounting for the web, of course).

I am so grateful now when I think of all the time I have been sidelined by illness and other difficulties, when I remember the two years that I had to live in a bubble environment, when I consider how I was always expected as a child to remain quiet and alone in my room. 

Experience prepares us for things.  My experience has been in learning solitude.  I can imagine other things I might have preferred to have been ready for but this will do; this will do just fine. 

It's not hard being on my own.  I don't mind time in hermitage.  The world is still an interesting place.  There are movies and TV shows online.  There are books to read.  There is much to do.  And there is so much to plan for. 

I believe with all my heart that there is goodness to come.  Somehow.  It will take work.  I will pray for strength and I will keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Believe it or not, life is good.
Being set aside is not such a bad thing after all.