For the Birds

To use an old-fashioned Southern expression, I cannot hear for pea-turkey.  Seriously.  I've had various problems with my ears resulting in several outpatient surgeries, plus there's a genetic predisposition for hearing loss.  So there are some sounds, especially in the lower ranges, that tend to I miss.  One of those sounds is someone knocking at the front door.

Now I'm not ignoring people at the door but, honest to pete, I don't hear them.  My office is at the very northeast corner of the house and the front door is near the southwest.  Even though it's a small (not Tiny) house, that is still some distance.  And, for who knows what reason, people tend timidly to pat-pat-pat at the door instead of boldly going knock-knock-knock.  I generally just can't hear that.

Since it's rude to fail to pay heed to folks, I bought a DIY unwired doorbell.  But the wretchedly expensive batteries that it required kept expiring with unanticipated speed.  People, the same people who only politely pat-pat-pat on the door, would tell me later how they viciously mashed and mashed and mashed that button but nothing happened.  Well, my bad, the thing was as dead as doorbell batteries so I ditched it.

Next (and final) choice:  a doorknocker.  I looked at various local stores but their doorknockers were boring and overpriced.  I didn't want just any old doorknocker; I wanted Cute.  So I searched on eBay and found the most precious chickadee doorknocker.  Oh I wanted that thing!  Fighting against several other would-be buyers, I won the day but then the seller changed her mind and declined to sell.  (Years later, I am Still Annoyed.)

Haplessly, I hunted again.  There was nothing that I wanted.  I had looked at pinecones and lobsters and frogs and who knows what all when, finally, I found an antique iron woodpecker.  It was cute and it was clearly appropriate since red-bellied woodpeckers abound in my yard and not painfully priced.  I happily bought it.

My drill didn't seem to make a dent in my metal front door, so I called a neighbor over to help me install my cute new antique iron woodpecker doorknocker.  He thought it was ridiculous.  And unnecessary.  And he said so.  More than once.  (I've never understood why it's considered acceptable to rain on someone else's parade but never mind.)

Alas, I have waited in vain for people to rap-rap-rap with my antique iron woodpecker.  Honestly, it's right there in front of them!  But still they gently pat-pat-pat and I still unintentionally ignore them because I can't hear for pea-turkey.

Maybe I need to post woodpecker directions: 

~*~ Kindly Rap Here ~*~  

Life is good. 
But trust me on this:  if you see a doorknocker, USE IT!
Somebody inside may not be able to hear for pea-turkey.