Friday, June 24, 2016

Speaking to the Silence

So why am I writing all this stuff?

Good question, isn't it?  There are about a zillion blogs out there.  Many of them are very good indeed: professional, pretty, well-documented, full of interesting information.  And nearly every one of them will be better than mine.  I'm not envious or self-disparaging; I'm just clear about the facts:  I'm mediocre and I'm okay with that.

If I'm mediocre, should I keep quiet?  No, I don't think so.  Every person has something to say.  And the unfortunate truth is that no one in my real life is listening, so I might as well chatter happily (perhaps sometimes unhappily) here.  Whether or not anyone reads is okay.  I'm just gonna natter on anyway.

For quite a few years, I was a moderator (unpaid) on a very large message board of about a half million members worldwide and I wrote much on many subjects constantly.  Although no one required me to do so, circumstances were such that I spent hours every day answering private messages from young people who contacted me in crisis--suicides, cutters, eating disorders, personality problems, insecurity.  You name the issue, and I've probably heard about it.  In detail.  Word got around that I could offer comfort and common sense, so more and more kids came to seek assistance.***  I believe that we each have missions to fulfill and goodness to share.  That's what I told each of those people and that's what I believe for myself, too.  But finally I wore out and the well was empty; it was time to move on before I became irretrievably broken myself.  I did (and do) have issues of my own that require effort.  As I was recently wisely reminded, you've gotta put the oxygen mask on yourself before you go help anyone else. 

So I am breathing.  I am doing my best to let God refill the well--it isn't easy to surrender control.  And I am scribbling away at my computer because that feels right.   I am accustomed, after all, to spending time typing something for someone.  Right now that someone is me.  You wanna read?  Cool.  Do so, and be welcome. Otherwise, maybe my job right now is speaking to the silence and being faithful in doing so.

Be warned, if you elect to read (and it appears that some folks are), that I will repeat myself because my world is very small.  I tend to be interested in the same subjects over and over again.  I don't venture forth among the masses (haven't been to the mall in a decade, haven't been to a movie theatre in several decades, have never had Starbucks coffee or a pedicure) but I don't feel I'm really missing anything when it comes to that stuff.  With quietude comes contemplation and realization--I want that quietude more than any of the trappings that a very busy area of civilization might offer.

I don't know anyone else who has had a life quite like mine--stopped in midstride, restricted by circumstance, cast off as unnecessary, surviving on faith--but I know that each person has challenges to face, so I am not battling along alone.  This is my life and it is my gift from God;  I live gratefully because that is what I am called to do.

So I will write.  Because life truly is good, even when we speak to the silence.

(***Please be aware that I can no longer do this; don't even ask.  I am not qualified to assist in resolving any issues--not even my own.)

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