Sunday, March 19, 2017

Is You Is or Is You Ain't?

Oh my, I bet I'm about to be pursued by Snowflakes.....yeah, I've been listening to a song that is no longer acceptably "correct" on more than one level.....but I still like it. 

It's a good song, darn it.  And it speaks, in an oblique way, to a decision that I've been dealing with:  Is I Is or Is I Ain't gonna continue volunteering to give advice on that business answer board.

There was a bit of a kerfluffle this week when the board underwent revision, and it became impossible for people who were not "certified experts" to answer questions or give advice.  I've been assisting for months, and I was, in fact, near the top of the leader board for Most Helpful.  Now, I find out that, not only am I no longer wanted, I should never have been posting there at all.  *head smack*  And several people finally told me so without exactly pulling their punches.  Why didn't they just say something sooner?  So, I said, "thanks for letting me know and goodbye."

After a while, the top answer-giver came in and asked me to apply to become a certified expert.  Then someone from the business seconded it (very unusual for one of them to show up on the board).  But I have not responded. 

I figure that line from the old Bette Davis movie (sorry, can't recall which one) was right: 
The only thing that gives dignity to a threat
is the inflexible resolve to carry it out. 
I've already said I'm gone, so I don't see any point in going back.

However, I believe in my heart that if you are capable of helping others, it is essentially sinful to choose not to do so.  That makes it not a sin of omission but of commission, and that's not good.

It's a conundrum. 

I'm trying to revamp my business in a big way and I'm spending a lot of time on inventory revision--this means that I won't have all my items listed until I get everything sorted properly, and that means that I am losing sales.  It's very time-consuming.  I need to put my focus on earning.  It's absolutely vital.  

It made sense to quit the answer center because really I can't justify wasting time helping a bunch of people who are mainly whining because they don't know the basic rules.  It's not like I'm gonna get paid for it, and I certainly never was.

Or can I justify it?  I think that we don't deserve to be helped ourselves if we don't help others.  Karma.  Yes, I'm a Christian but the Law of Cause and Effect is fairly universal no matter what faith you follow. 

I guess what I'm really doing is trying to talk myself out of applying because I just don't wanna.
Is I Is or Is I Ain't?
I'll decide tomorrow but I think I already know what I have to do.  I just don't like my choices.  I resent not having been told in the first place that I wasn't wanted, and I equally am annoyed that now that I've decided to go, my presence is desired. 

And in the meanwhile, I'm also having trouble deciding whether to continue as a guest columnist for the local newspaper (not getting paid for that either). 

I don't know if I have anything to write about that is worth sharing--my first three columns were about personal security, and I re-wrote those from this blog. 

I was really happy about the columnist idea until I told a friend whose immediate response that my writing could not possibly be any good because the paper didn't want to pay me for the effort.  Ouch.  Yeah, that kinda made me feel unloved and unworthy of appreciation.  How hard is it to say something nice? 

So I have another decision to make about whether to help someone else or help myself?
Is I Is or Is I Ain't?
But, you know, maybe writing for the paper is helping myself, too.  I don't know.

It's not like I don't have enough trouble and general aggravation to deal with right now in every level of my existence.

Decisions are troublesome.
I don't like them.
But I believe that if a door opens in front of you, you are meant to walk through with prayer in faith because God has already provided what you will need as you go forward.

Yeah, I guess I'd better get busy.
Life is good.

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