Saturday, March 4, 2017
Still Working on the Office.....well, that's what I was gonna talk about
Basically.....well, I sorta slaughtered myself getting those cabinets in the house. I had already been suffering with sciatica. (I've had all sorts of back problems ever since I was a kid when my scoliosis went undiagnosed and untreated, and things just sorta went downhill from there.) I knew I shouldn't be moving heavy furniture but I didn't feel like waiting around, and I get really tired of asking for help all the time, so I just did it. Guess you could say that a rebellious spirit got the better of me. Again.
The next day, I could barely walk. I have no idea how I managed to get my shipments to the local PO but it hurt so bad.....it hurt so much, in fact, that I just wanted to be left to whimper alone in peace, and I decided to say nothing to my good neighbor when my well went dry. Yeah: no water. Not a drop. The motor on the well finally died.
Can't help thinking about this past year.....
My best friend decided to move out of state, and I took on the job of packing up her house. My tenant (and also my friend) decided to move out of town (which means I am now doing without a sizeable chunk of my income), so I took on the job of packing up her house, too. And in a move that I have said nothing about before because it is deeply painful, I realized that it was time for me to leave my church; I had been secretary there for eight years, and the members were like family to me. I haven't decided on another church--I need time for quiet first. These were huge changes in my life. Now another one of my very few friends is also talking about packing up (thankfully I won't have to do it this time) and moving away. I don't want to be missing someone else. And I'm not even gonna mention how uncomfortable things have been with my few family members who don't like to talk to me. Ever.
And thinking also about lots of other stuff going on.....
The central heating in my house has given up and is hanging on by a thread. (Keeping the heat on 61 degrees has been an exercise in agony because I have circulatory problems that causes pain in my hands and feet when I'm cold.) The central air conditioning is also on the fritz, and it flooded the hallway in the house over and over again during the summer; no one can figure out why so it's probably gonna happen again this summer. The kink in the plumbing under the house is causing trouble, too, so the washing machine requires constant vigilance (even on the smallest load) or it also floods the hall. Every drain in the house backs up as a result, too. The washing machine itself was also broken for months this past year. There have been problems with the filtration systems that keep the rust out of my water, so those had to be removed and now I just have rusty water all the time to wash with and to drink. The toilet wouldn't flush, and I was too embarrassed to ask for help with that one so I just flushed it with a bucket for months until I could finally figure out how to repair it myself. The faucets in both the bathroom and the kitchen leak so they want repairing or replacing. The driveway needs to be repaired because weeds are totally taking over the asphalt to the point that it is disappearing. The workshop roof is rusting out, and the workshop door needs to be repaired. The frame on the backdoor of the house is rotting at the bottom. I think there are termites in the bathroom wall again. The porch and the windows all need to be re-screened. The chimney is pulling away from the house and has caused a leak in the living room ceiling. There's something wrong with the dishwasher, and it's not heating anymore. There are also issues with the water heater which is never truly hot for long either--I am not a fan of cold showers but I sure get to take them often enough. And, oh yeah, my refrigerator died. Now, I'm using a borrowed fridge that is also broken and that leaks water all over the floor (thankfully, not in my much-abused hallway).
Just a few more things.....
My yard is totally torn up, thanks to the mess the movers made when they came to take my tenant's mobile home. Now it floods even worse when it rains, and the water just stands there. Dead trees. Pipes sticking out of the ground. Lovely. It goes really well with the area that got burned when one of my neighbors accidentally set my yard on fire last year. We're not even gonna talk about the weeds and the other messes in my yard that I just do not have strength to deal with. Then there are the neighbors across the street who accidentally dug up my telephone wire. ATT was NOT pleased, and they called the sheriff to talk to the neighbors who are now also not pleased since they probably figure I called the law (which I did not). But that guy kept siccing his dog on me even before this happened anyway. ATT has begun repairs but my telephone wire is laying across a public street. Yeah, everybody is driving over my wire every day, and that little wire is my connection to the internet which is where my eBay business is.....just one little break in the cable and I'd in big trouble. Anyway, I'm already in big trouble because my sales are down about 80%, and there wasn't enough money to cover all expenses even before everything decided to break down. I have no idea how I'm gonna afford to get the lawn mowed this summer. Can't think about it. Can't.
A wire across the street
And a hose across my back yard.
Yeah, I finally owned up, and admitted I had no water. So now my water is coming into the house via a series of garden hoses running from my good neighbor's well. And I got fussed at for not saying anything sooner. But I couldn't. I just could not. My good neighbor's son is so kind but he seems to think that I'm the most foolhardy, careless, air-headed person alive. Maybe he's right.
Someone told me awhile ago that I was like that comic strip character that always walks around with a cloud over his head. I thought they meant Pigpen. They said, no, not a cloud of dust. A storm cloud. I don't know who that is but that hurt my feelings. Then someone else said that I was like Dobby the house elf from Harry Potter. I thought that was very insulting, too.
Honest to pete, folks, I am doing the best that I can.
Give me a break.
It is not my desire to be a pitiable human being who can't deal with a whole lot of real life trouble and strife. But that's just the way things are right now.
It would be nice if someone would say
that it's gonna be okay,
that I'm doing a good job,
that it won't be like this forever.
You know, as bad as things can be and as frustrating as stuff gets, I still believe that there is hope. I still believe in patience and tolerance and determination. I still believe that good stuff is gonna happen. I still believe that things will change.
And, yeah, I really do believe that life is good.
Because it is.
Sometimes it just takes an effort of will.
Courage is a choice.
That's why I'm working on my office. Willpower. I can do this. I have to.